Emotional Muscle Memory
You know when you exercise regularly you gain muscle memory over time so that as you repeatedly do the same form of exercise your muscles automatically engage and are at the ready. They help you gain endurance and tone and overall fitness.
We have emotional muscle memory too, and the process works in a similar way. As we go about our lives we experience an array of emotional responses; some are painful and some are pleasant. Each experience gets stored somewhere in our internal world - body, mind, soul, and spirit - sometimes in all four areas. We have a seemingly infinite storage capacity for our emotional selves. Plus, our unconscious remembers everything. That’s the backup system.
Fast Pass
I want to give you a Fast Pass for how to be on speaking terms with your emotional muscle memories.
First, a lot of people struggle with even knowing what their emotional response is in the moment to a given situation. They may truly not know how they feel, but their emotional muscles are trying to communicate with them. It sounds elementary, but a first question to ask yourself is: “Do I feel positive or negative right now?” Notice that positive and negative really aren’t feeling words, but they can point you to whether you’re in emotional pain or something’s happened that makes you feel good.
The next question to ask is, “Where do I feel this in my body?” Every emotional experience elicits a chemical reaction in the brain. Those chemicals are stored somewhere. For me, when I experience something pleasant or fun or beautiful, I feel it right in the center of my chest and across my forehead. I just feel delighted and alive.
Painful emotions are also stored, and when there’s been trauma, layers of pain build up over time. These muscle memories are easily triggered - a negative experience in the present can inflame old feelings of pain or fear or abandonment. For me, negative emotions from the past or present are stored on the right side of my lower back, a very specific area! The more I’ve recognized first what my physical response is, the better I’m able to name the emotion that’s cascading over me in the moment. When we can name the emotion we gain so much power over it. I say it out loud: “I feel fantastic!” Or, “I feel hurt and rejected.” That’s the beginning of healing right there.
There is more to understand about painful memories and emotions and what to do about them, but today I want to give you the good news: Whether past experiences are painful or pleasant, they are giving you a gift, they are your emotional muscle memories. You can draw on them as you move forward. For example, a painful time in your past has given you perseverance, wisdom about who is worthy of your trust and care, and the knowledge that you are stronger than you think, because look at you now. Saying out loud, “I have muscle memory for this,” is a huge aid when daring to risk yourself emotionally.
Positive accomplishments and experiences also give you muscle memory: When you’ve successfully done something that was challenging, you gain muscle memory to do the next hard thing. You can say to yourself, “I have muscle memory for this ,” and you know what? Your sturdy emotional muscles are ready to be engaged for whatever is coming next: a new job, a move, a big project, a new relationship. Do you know what I tell myself? I say, “Janice, be brave, because you’ve got strength in all your muscles.”
This is living now
On top of everything, let me remind you you’re not alone in the universe. You can ask God to show you what the heck is happening right as it’s happening, and you’ll receive insight and love. And maybe some clues about what to do next.